AlgART / Papers / Tikun ha-Brit
“I feel nothing!”
While relations are good, the husband doesn't dare to say such a thing to his wife. The wife thinks: “He've come off — so, he is happy”. The husband thinks: “Is it really her fault? Everything is stretched out with age there, the vagina cannot become so narrow and resilient after childbirth, as it was before. This cannot be corrected. And if so, why to tell her about this? Why to offend her?” Thus, false modesty and false opinion, that there is nothing to do with it, create a negative tension in a lot of even problem-free families. And some men are incited by this situation to find young, nullipara, thin ones, hoping to get the desired delight. Someone goes further, and so the demand for child prostitution appears. Someone drops even lower, and he already takes an interest not only in girls, but also in boys. Destinies are broken so. This goes on for millennia. The struggle against such phenomena by police measures just raises prices of the services on the black market. And, anyway, struggling againts only the supply is ineffective: something must be done with the demand. Raising the level of public morality is, of course, a necessary thing. (The Torah offers an interesting educational method. It says: “Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore” (Leviticus 19:29). It is incredible that there will be a man, ready to send his own daughter to lechery! Many of those, who don't care if they have lechery with some girl, will shudder to think that this can be done with their child. The Torah appeals namely to such ones to awaken in them the pity for someone else's daughter, — because their own one could be in her place! Such an approach can itself stop many people.) But you have to admit thatthe problem cannot be resolved by the moral only. It's like struggling with external symptoms of an illness, while ignoring the cause. And it is well-known that the best treatment is the prevention. And then we're back into the family.
I would not talk about the problem, not knowing how to solve it. Meanwhile, the solution is very simple: strengthening the pelvic floor muscles of women. The tonus of pelvic floor muscles is very high in childhood and youth. It can be seen from the intensity of the urine jet of girles. Partly because of the natural aging processes, which usually begin earlier than generally thought, partly because of improper relationship to intimacy (it's necessary to teach to proper ones!), and also due to childbirth, certain muscles lose their tone. It is crucially important for intimacy, especially for a man. There is a lot of nerve endings at the head of the penis. Information, sent from them to the brain, is one of the most important links in the physiological process of the sexual intercourse (over-physiological phenomena will be discussed later). Ejaculation (sperm emission) can occur without these sensations, for example, due to strong common arousal of a man (say, due to imaginations) or vibrations from a strong rhythmic collisions with the pubic bones during the coitus. Ejaculation has occurred, — the husband “calmed down”, but the organism feels that it was deceived. All these nerve endings are needed for something. aren't they?! There has to be tough in the woman in order that the man felt something. If everything is soft there, the man just will not feel contact. A soft one feel contact with a hard, and a hard one does not feel (at least as much) contact with a soft.
The keenness of the physical sensations of the man during intimacy affects, in the end, the whole complex of relations between the husband and the wife. A conflict on that ground can arise not only after many years of family life, but immediately after the wedding. The Torah considers that situation: “If any man take a wife, and go in unto her, and hate her...” (Deuteronomy 22:13) If a man has married a girl, so he liked her? What was a reason that a husband hated his wife after the wedding night? The Torah puts the fact, that he hated her, in direct dependence on the fact that he goes in unto her. Is it necessary to explain something else?
I recommend the following exercises.
Exercise 1. “Scissors”. Lie on your back on a hard flat surface. Lift the legs, without bending the knees, at 30–45° from the ground. Maximally move the legs to the sides, and then cross them in the air 15–20 times.
Exercise 2. In the position, lying on stomach, move the buttocks to the sides with the hands. Return the buttocks to the starting position by effort of buttocks, with resisting by hands (10–20 times).
These exercises are simple, effective and accessible to all. Their purpose is to strengthen the muscles of the underbelly, which is important both for the saving woman's health and for strengthening relations with her husband. These exercises are also recommended for girls before marriage.
For young women, who will consider the exercises above to be not enough, we can recommend the exercise with a stone egg, which, according to a legend, was learned by wives of the emperors of China.