AlgART / Papers / Tikun ha-Brit
Between the body and the soul
By what criteria an individual in society is assessed? Of course, this much depends on the society itself. Well, nevertheless? Somewhere the beauty is most important, in other places they look at intelligence and business acumen. Curiously enough that all this is of only secondary importance in family relationships. An example of this is a lot of happy couples, where spouses do not fit together in the opinion of others. Attempts to bring up plain speaking by a question: “What did you found in her (him)?” are usually suppressed by an answer: “I feel good with her (him)!” Such an answer, as a rule, does not satisfy an asking one, causing suspicion about a lack of sincerity of the interlocutor. But it becomes clear that the person is really nothing to add. The secret of his happiness lies outside of “objective values”. It is at the level of sensations, at the level of a combination of emotional waves. But a third one cannot always feel these things, even if he is in the same room.
One of the most popular kabbalistic models (see, for example, “Nefesh HaChaim”), considering the human, distinguishes three levels:
– Sehel (Intelligence);
– Regesh (Feelings);
– Guf (Body).
So, in this chapter we'll be talking exactly about Regesh. If we try to give a enhanced interpretation for this word, I would formulate it this way: emotionally-energy state.
A woman, familiar to me, worked at one time with girls who went on shiduh (acquaintance with the purpose of marriage). For one or two meetings, sitting in cafes and strolling along a street, it's necessary to decide whether he or she is a person who is to connect your life forever. At my request, the friend interviewed girls after such meetings. At first, she naturally asked: “He or not?” The first question was followed by the second: “Why?” They answered the first question immediately and thought over the second one. But I was amazed most of all at answers to the second question: the reasons, it seemed, were quite unserious. I'll cite a few examples. Thus, one girl replied: “He was looking away continuously”, the other said: “He always hold his hands in the pockets”, the third: “He was coughing too loudly”. Do these things have really become decisive? No. Obviously, the answer to the first question arose from what a girl felt in presence of a young man. The second question was even not raised by her before herself, and it caught her unawares. And therefore the answers were not so impressive. The conclusion is clear: when choosing a life partner, feelings are more important than specific details.
The sages deduce from the Torah logically, that there are three ways to enter into marriage: Kesef (literally: “silver”, i.e. any material gift of the bridegroom to the bride, a ring is mainly used), Shtar (literally: “document”; in ancient times it was Shtar Kiddushim, in which the man wrote: “Behold, thou devoted to me”, in today's practice it is Shtar Ktuba, i.e. written financial commitments for a case of divorce) and Biya, intimacy (Babylonian Talmud, treatise “Kidushin”). I heard the following idea from Rabbi Yehudy Brandes: “Those things, by which the marriage is contracted, can be regarded as symbols of those things, on which it is hold.” It is obvious that Kesef is a symbol of family finances and Biya is a symbol of intimacy between spouses. A symbol of which is Shtar, as it is involved in case of divorce only? There are people considering Shtar to be a symbol of the status. “Married man”, “married woman” — it is a status. Talmud examines the question, which way to marriage is the strongest, and comes to the conclusion that it is Biya. Let's think, what is the strongest one in its maintenance and preservation. Everyone knows that the value of intimacy in relationships between spouses is reduced with age. It is equally obvious that not all families have material wealth, and though they do not come apart. What does support them? Is it really just the fear of divorce? But the fear of divorce or the fear of being alone are negative feelings, and I cannot believe somehow, that only negative things strengthen the family. There must be something positive! In my opinion, this is the unity feeling between the spouses, the feeling of presence of someone own. This is what people try to feel at the first meeting, the same thing becomes increasingly important year by year.
Further deepening the subject of relations between a man and a woman seems to me impossible without a serious study of the wisdom of the sacred Jewish texts. Comprehending it is associated with two most common difficulties for a secular reader:
1) the special terminology;
2) unusual methods of text analysis.
These difficulties can be overcome when the reader understands that the purpose of sacred texts is to make human life happy on Earth.